my life is full. its busy and its happy. i kind of love it. and thats kind of amazing.

im leaving for louisiana in three days. THREE DAYS! i dont think there are words. its going to be amazing. i think im going to cry when its over because its been my life. and i am invested. so very invested in this trip. its already changed me. i cant imagine what it will be like actually going down there and doing the work of rebuilding. there is so much to do. both in my own life and down there.

 there is so much that each person can do. and not just on this issue. activism can be easy. getting involved can be easy. and never mind the other people involved. never mind the good it can accomplish. it engages me. it fulfills me. it empowers me. i cant put into words how good it makes me feel. and i cant wait. i cant wait to help. i cant wait to make a difference. because thats what i am going to do. i am going to change what i can.

im a leader. who knew? and if i can do it so can you.

she picked it up. it took both hands and a heavy pull. she sat with it in her hands. trying to understand the weight of it. the dimensions. it was smooth and impervious. she didnt want it. not really. but she didnt know how to put it down. how to let it go. in the short time (but how long had it been really?) she had it, it had somehow managed to attach itself to her (or was it that she had attached herself to it?).

she struggled and stood, still holding it. if she let it go would someone else pick it up? could she destroy it? where would she leave it? she asked herself these questions and continued to hold onto it. she took a few steps. but it was heavy and she tired easily. if she didnt let it go would she be stuck here? did she want to move? at least this way was known. at least she knew how to take care of it (how did she know that?).

she decided to walk to the grass where she could sit comfortably. it took her some time to get there. she needed to rest often with the extra weight. once there she sat with it. thinking. she could feel it. she began to wonder if she could really live without it. a man walked by and glanced down at the woman sitting quietly. her pulse spiked. did he want it? did he want her?

she didnt really like who she was with it. but she didnt know who she was without it. if she dropped it would it fall easily? gently? would it shatter as it hit the ground? would that release her? she continued to sit. continued to think. ultimately it was an easy decision. clear cut. but first she needed to know what she wanted. it only became simple after that.

she felt rested. strong. she put it onto the ground and stood with her hands still on it. bent over and still connected to it she felt some clarity. she needed to get rid of it. she couldnt go on bent in half and burdened. she struggled into an upright position. cradling it before her. she walked over to the concrete. steeled herself. and let go.

it fell neither slowly nor gently. it was oh so fast. she regretted it almost immediately. that was the life she knew falling. she tried to catch it. but it was too far for that. it hit the ground hard. and shattered into tiny little pieces. but it was not gone. just different. she knew she could pick up the pieces and build something that resembled what she used to have. but it would never be the same.

she straightened. squared her shoulders and took a deep breath. she felt lighter already.